Kissing and Pissing

Okay, now I have to admit that this is weird and screwed-up even to my sensibilities:

According to Yahoo, the men’s room in the Virgin Airways clubhouse at JFK Airport now boasts urinals in the shape displayed above: a woman’s open lips, decorated with bright-red, fuck-me lipstick. The urinals were designed by the Netherlands company Bathroom Mania, which has a talent for making unique accessories for people to vacate their bladders and/or bowels.

The concept of wanting to pee in someone’s mouth doesn’t offend me in and of itself, actually; I’ve known people who were into piss play of one kind or another, and while not my thing, they had honest, forthright attitudes toward it that respected themselves, the act, and their partner. The word “play” in this case is key; it is an implict recognition of the difference between fantasy and reality, and the different rules that apply for each.

Virgin’s toilets are just another example of the hypocrital way that sex is expressed in the mainstream; despite getting hit by loads of sexy images every day, the effect of most of them is not to dismiss shame, or to expand our visions of sexuality. Instead, they manipulate that shame. The advertising industry hits us with millions of image that increase our desire for sex while holding it even higher out of our reach. This is what you should want to have, they tell us, but you can’t have it, because you’re too old, too ugly, too poor, too clumsy, your tits are too small, your dick won’t stay hard long enough, and whatever you do will just be a shallow imitation of what our ultra-beautiful, ultra-skinny, ultra-rich, ultra-Botoxed, ultra-Viagraed models do with each other. But it’s all right if you try; here, buy our stuff.

And similarly, I really doubt that any of Virgin’s representatives would be willing to endorse consenting adults peeing on or into each other for a little bit of fun. Their fancy toilets are just a nasty, mean-spirited joke that lets guys with too much money and attitude go through the motions while still calling other people perverts. It quite neatly combines misogyny, class privilege, and fear of sex into one great big red package.

A New Definition of “Death Wish.”

As if the Southern Baptists hadn’t laid enough devastation on their own country, and the Middle East didn’t have enough fundamentalist fanatics of their own, Iraq’s post-Saddam legacy now includes this:

The first Baptist church ever established in Iraq was dedicated with more than 700 people in attendance. Leaders say the church, called the National Evangelical Baptist Church in Baghdad, is the cornerstone upon which future Baptist work in Iraq will be built.

In addition, teams of Baptist volunteers have worked in various regions of Iraq, distributing food and Bibles and sowing seeds of interest in what God wants to do in the nation.

In a sense, the Baptists should feel much more comfortable in Iraq, since the agenda of Christian fundamentalists — traditional gender roles, strict hierarchies of power, compulsory heterosexuality, and theologically based government — is much more compatible with radical Islam than with a secular constitutional democracy. Their influence on the government in the past 20 years has culminated in America becoming a truly frightening place to live in. It has also become a truly frightening place to live with, as both the Middle East and Europe can attest to since the 9/11 bombings. Still, we’ve done an admirable job of resisting the full force of the Religious Right’s attempts to build a theocratic kingdom over the bones of every feminist, queer, or Jew in the union. Watching the flood of gay marriages is just one way that we can see how we’ve kept them from the omnipotence over our lives, loves, and laws that they want so much.

So, Iraq seems like a natural playground for fundamentalist Christians, except for the fact that they’ll probably get blown up by people who want just the same things they do but with different names. It’s hard to see a Baptist church lasting much more than a month when Islamists have done such a good job of blowing up trained, well-equipped soldiers on a regular basis. And in their deaths, these Baptists will probably be as like their Islamic counterparts as they were in life: martyrdom, after all, is their key to the kingdom.

Non-Crappy Porn

I promised that I’d provide some good sources for non-crappy porn, so here are some of my favorites:

Electra Summers: One of my big gripes with mainstream porn is the fact that it makes everyone look the same, which by definition is not sexy. For me, eroticism lies in difference and individuality of form. Electra’s been showing off a plump, zaftig form for years, and doing it with great joy and humor.

Retroraunch: One of my favorite ways to escape the monotony of the crappy porn that’s produced is to look at porn from the past. Retroraunch is a great source for smut from the past, especially the fifties and sixties.

Jane’s Guide: When all else fails, go to Jane’s Guide. Jane Duvall and her cohorts have been reviewing internet porn sites for years, separating the crap from the non-crap so that you don’t have to.

Bettie Page Shrine: Bettie Page, Queen of the Pinups. And lots of her.

Protection From (Crappy) Porn

President Bush declared last week (October 26 – November 1) to be “Protection From Pornography Week,” yet another attempt to appear to be doing something about something that doesn’t need doing while not doing anything. According to Bush,

The effects of pornography are particularly pernicious with respect to children. The recent enactment of the PROTECT Act of 2003 strengthens child pornography laws, establishes the Federal Government’s role in the AMBER Alert System, increases punishment for Federal crimes against children, and authorizes judges to require extended supervision of sex offenders who are released from prison.

The absurdity of the whole thing in and of itself would be enough to make it worthy of being used to inaugurate this blog. After all, one of the things that I’m trying to do is celebrate obscenity, especially if it puts a bug up the ass of the powers that be. But it got even better this week. In keeping with her long rep for wit and trickery, writer Hanne Blank used Bush’s weak lemons to make kickass lemonade and declared this week to be The First International Protection from Crappy Porn Week of Resistance. This is a much more realistic and important event; much as I like the idea of it, in reality, porn exceeds the normal limits of Sturgeon’s Law (“90% of everything is crap.”). The most offensive thing about the product is its sheer lack of imagination. In short, there is a lot of crap out there, and being as I consider good porn essential to a sexually healthy society, we really need better wanking material.

In short, I’m throwing myself behind Hanne’s campaign, and I hope anyone who wants to put brain and crotch together will, too. I think that her description of non-crap porn is a little vague, and doesn’t talk about making it hot, but that’s a mere quibble; I know Hanne well enough to know that hotness is always a priority for her.

For my part, not only will I be making it a point to put up some links to non-crappy smut in the next week, I’d like to ask people to send me their favorite links, with a few words about what makes them good, positive, HOT smut. We’ll post them here and celebrate Hanne’s holiday together.

The Literate Pervert,
Chris