Ponyboys and Ponygirls in the Making

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Dear God.

First America's toymakers try to sell parents on the infamous Harry Potter vibrating broom, now this. A riding company called Cashel now sells the Daddle, a kid-sized saddle that parents can strap on to their back to make their pony rides just that little bit more real.  For the truly authentic experience, you can buy Cashel Cushion Knees (described as "horseshoes for dad") to make it more comfy for dad.

I love the way that mainstream America doesn't realize just how close perversion is to its heart.  I mean, c'mon. How many steps is it, really, to go from this as a child…

The Daddle! 

To this as an adult?

Pony Play!

It's not the pornographers who are turning your kids into perverts, America.  It's the toymakers. 

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3 thoughts on “Ponyboys and Ponygirls in the Making”

  1. Oh my god, Chris, if that the funniest and truest thing I have read today. Go give a gander to some of the Bratz dolls, they look like mini hookers. But this takes the cake.

  2. Tess, if you think the Bratz dolls look like hookers, you should look up the history of Barbie’s origin sometime.  She was modelled after a German comic strip character named Lilli, who was a party girl and prostitute.  The story goes that Ruth Handler was visiting Germany in the fifties and saw dolls based on the character in a shop window. These things were sold to men as novelty gifts, not children.  Anyway, Handler took one of the Lilli dolls back to her daughter Barbara, and a couple more to her employers at Mattel. Thus were decades of childhood delight born, from the loins of a plastic hooker. Tracy Quan has a good article about Barbie’s  journey from the Reeperbahn to her Malibu Dream Home archived on Salon. She says this about Barbie’s roots:

    In “Forever Barbie,” [M.G.] Lord reveals that Lilli — “an eleven-and-a-half inch, platinum ponytailed” German doll — was the pre-American Barbie. The Lilli doll was the three-dimensional version of a popular post-war cartoon character who first appeared in the West German tabloid Bild Zeitung in 1952. A professional floozy of the first order, Bild Zeitung‘s Lilli traded sex for money, delivered sassy comebacks to police officers, and sought the company of “balding, jowly fatcats,” says Lord.

    There’s also some good stuff on Barbie’s Wikipedia page.  So, if the makers of Bratz are creating dolls that look like hookers, they have a long tradition backing them up. And children, I think, have honored that tradition.  I mean, Mattel may have made sure that the groins of Barbie and Ken have been smoother than Jenna’s after a wax job, but how many times have girls put one on top of the other and let them go at it? The problem is that adults think children have no sexual imaginations until they develop pubic hair.  Suppressing sexuality is always done “for the children,” and I don’t think that we’re going to ever have a really sex-positive society until we acknowledge all the perverted things that go on inside those little skulls.

     

     

  3. …all the perverted things that go on inside those little skulls.

    Who could have imagined that, at the tender age of five, my true sexual nature would be revealed to me in these final words from an episode of The Lone Ranger:

    Who is that masked man? I want to thank him.

    And thank you, Chris, for this delightful serving of nostalgic perversion. This should keep me going until lunchtime…

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