This Week in God

After having His rep dragged through the mud on both sides of the Atlantic by egg-sucking mountebanks, the Almighty decides to get a little bit of His own back, as reported by ex-Python Terry Jones in The Guardian:

A high-level leak has revealed that God is “furious” at Tony Blair’s
attempts to implicate him in the bombing of Iraq. Sources close to the
archangel Gabriel report him as describing the Almighty as “hopping mad
… with sanctimonious yet unscrupulous politicians claiming He would
condone their bestial activities when He has no way of going public
Himself, owing to the MMW agreement” (a reference to the
long-established Moving in Mysterious Ways concordat).

Mr Blair went public about God on Michael Parkinson’s TV show. “If you
have faith about these things,” he said, “then you realise that
judgment is made by other people. If you believe in God, it’s made by
God as well.” As is customary with Mr Blair’s statements, it’s rather
hard to tease out what he is actually saying; but the gist is clearly
that if God didn’t actually tell him to bomb Iraq, then the Almighty
would certainly agree it was the right thing to do.

“If
Tony Blair thinks his friendship with George W Bush is worth rubbing
out a couple of hundred thousand Iraqi men, women and children, then
that’s something he can talk over with me later,” said God. “But when
he starts publicly claiming that’s the way I do the arithmetic too,
it’s time I put my foot down!” It is well known that God has a very big
foot.

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