Dream-House Jesus

If the sactified, soon-to-be-beatified corpse of Pope John Paul II isn’t cute and cuddly enough for you, the Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Company will soon release a Barbie-sized doll of Jesus “Son of God, Bee-Yotch!” Christ that not only takes the image of the Christian Messiah, but will also quote Scripture at the push of a button:

Also part of the series are Barbie-size Moses, David and Virgin Mary dolls, being developed by the Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co. in Valencia, which already markets a teddy bear that sings “Jesus Loves Me.”

“It’s been on my heart to do these for at least three or four years,” said the company’s founder and executive officer David Socha. “We are targeting the inspirational market, to do good things for children, something that adds to their quality of life and doesn’t corrupt their minds. Our company has always created very conservative products.”

I can’t help but think of some unintended consequences of this approach. For instance: how long will Mary remain a Virgin? Everyone I know who had dolls or “action figures” wound up at some point making little orgies with them. Will Mary and Esther wind up consumating a forbidden love together? Will Jesus take up with that hussy Barbie in her famed Malibu Beach House of Sin? Or will he go the other way and cruise WeHo with Ken?

Maybe none of the above. Perhaps doll-Jesus will convince Barb and the rest to give up their wicked ways and come to the Lord. Time will tell.

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