An Escort’s Secret Garden

To continue the theme of promoting the voices of sex workers, this recent entry on A New York Escorts Confessions by Alexa is one of the most poignant and honest things that I’ve read in a while, and it says very important things both about the costs/benefits of sex work and the potential of blogging as a medium. The last line in this excerpt resonates in me right down to the core, and I think that anyone who’s ever written as honestly as they can will know exactly what she’s talking about. No matter what, no one really knows me without reading my writing.

This blog has become my little secret garden. A place where I can share my innermost thoughts, rant against the machine or just act silly. Each of you comes back (I hope) because of who I am rather than how I look. You want to know me rather than to simply have me.

Although I’m a complete attention whore, I’m sick of men talking with me only to get it on with me and of women hating me because of how I look.

I won’t lie. I love the baubles and the money. But selling myself based only on my pretty face, flat stomach and nice ass is slowly killing me – the real me who thinks, dreams and loves. Sometimes, I just want to scream, “look at me! ME!”

Whenever I’m with a client, the mask I put on goes far deeper than my makeup. The client may be paying me for my companionship, but he almost never wants a true companion. He wants a pretty little plaything who merely reflects back his ideal woman or his darkest fantasy.

Now that brings me back to my blog, my little corner of the world wide web…

I’ve finally found a place where I can be me in the purest sense. By writing, I completely bare myself. Whether I’m being serious or frivolous, each of my posts shows you who I truly am. By reading, you penetrate me deeper than any man I’ve ever been with.


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